Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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