Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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