Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
