i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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