It's Friday. Sex?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize