I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize