There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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