You smell like stripper and shame
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
50% drunk capacity currently
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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