I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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