No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
