hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
