my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
there was a trapeze. enough said
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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