WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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