Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize