why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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