Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
