oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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