i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
