that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
