I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
