you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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