what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
