Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
