whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
