We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
