i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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