did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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