For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
