shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
