Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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