smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
