You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
