Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
