Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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