You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
