so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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