In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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