ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
