Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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