It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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