she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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