found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
it's like heaven, but drunker
ttyl tear gas
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
