I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
