Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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