all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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