i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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