I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
