Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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