i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
