just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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