You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
