I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
