I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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