Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
