i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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