I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
