OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize