I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
