Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
