I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
