Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
two words...techno handjob
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
