I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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