So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
