the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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