Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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