Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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