I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
last night I used snow as a chaser
I currently don't understand fingers.
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