Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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