You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
