i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
