hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
