Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize