i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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